Unpexpected Friends

Note:  Any names mentioned below are NOT fictional.  Duh?  This is the Transparent Christian blog.  So if you think it's you, it is.  :)

I've never felt like I was good at making friends.  I've always been the type of person that gets along with everyone, everyone likes me, but I seem to have a hard time really connecting with and trusting in a few good, true friends.

Part of it comes from my own low self worth, always feeling like I'm not good enough to be someone else's friend.  I'm too needy, too critical, too opinionated.  And if I let someone get close enough to me, they might get a glimpse of how crazy I can really be...I mean, it's one thing to tell someone you suffer from BiPolar D/O, it's another to let them see the symptoms of it.

So when I came to this new church last summer, I wasn't necessarily looking for friends. But I joined a Women's Bible Study and quickly found a few.  One of them quickly became my best friend.  Let's see...I'll call her Cheryl.  She was fairly new to the church at the time, too, and we just hit it off right from the start. Together we navigated through the church and found the 'courage in numbers' that we needed to get involved in some things.  And even though we haven't friends long, it feels like forever.  I know she & I both frequently comment that God knew what He was doing when He put us together because we are so different that we tend to complement each other as well as give each other the insight we need at times during difficult situations.  And Cheryl is just perfect- I think God knew I needed a friend who was a pinch-hitter therapist, because Cheryl is a hairdresser.  Isn't God cool?!

The next friend I made during Bible Study has been much different.  Let's call her Shelly.  She was the group leader.  I just remember thinking from the beginning and also telling her that she reminds me so much of myself at her age.  (She's almost 15 years younger than me.)  I was confused because I felt like the Lord was telling me that she and I were supposed to be friends, while at the same time I wasn't even sure I liked her!  (Why would I, she reminded me of me and I don't always like myself)  So at one point, an older, wiser, well-meaning member of the group, the former group leader, decided that I should be Shelly's co-facilitator.  Well you can imagine about now how that worked out.   It ended with an incident that left Shelly and I both feeling hurt by the other, and with me leaving that group.

But that wasn't the end of the story for Shelly and I.  God wouldn't let that be the end.  The thing that I admired about Shelly was that she was willing to set aside hurt feelings and rebuild our friendship, and I hope that's something she also admired in me.  I gained respect for Shelly through this whole incident, because I knew that she understood what I understood-  true friendship comes from God and through God.  He ordained us to be friends, He put us together for a reason.  So we both needed to work it out, get over ourselves and move on.  And we have.

So after that, I did move on.  I had made some other friendships that led me into another group in the church,  and I jumped right in.  But I joined the group because I wanted these people as friends, not because I was necessarily interested in the ministry.  These were great, wise, wonderful Christian women and I wanted to be near them!  I wanted to be one of them.  So how did this endeavor work out?  Not well.  I ended up spending my time feeling like a square peg in a round hole.  It wasn't their fault, for they did everything they could to make me feel welcome.  They loved me.  But I was just in a place where I didn't belong.  I never ever felt God's call or the leading of the Holy Spirit when it came to me joining this ministry.  It was all me.  It was something that I wanted to do, not something I felt led to do.  

It took me a really, really long time to finally  make the decision to leave that group.  I didn't want to lose my friends.  But finally I heard the Lord telling me that my true friends will still be my friends.  Friendship isn't just about being part of the same group, social class, or ministry.  So I had a heart to heart discussion with one of the new friends I made, the leader of this group, I'll call her Chris.  She was understanding and reassured me that I will not lose her friendship just because I'm leaving the group.  And I believe her.

So, who do you imagine was there to comfort me through my difficult circumstances with my latest group, but Shelly.  Of course Cheryl has been there for me, too.  But with Shelly, I was able to speak with her and we were both able to say 'Isn't it funny we've gone through the same things', and it only reinforces to us that there is a bond between us that God has put there.  It has to be God because it's too much of a coincidence to believe that the person I hurt only a few months ago is there for me when I'm hurting.  And she's not saying sarcastically "See what it feels like?"   And she could.  

And I have made other friends, women I've grown to really love.  They all over different things that seem to be just what I need at the time.  I don't want to mention any more names because I might miss someone and hurt someone's feelings!  :)

I just know that I am learning that true friendship is a gift from, sometimes a challenge from, God.  I don't need to join every group that comes my way just to be popular.  I just need to keep my heart open and trust the God will guide me through the Holy Spirit into the relationships He knows are best for me.  

God is good!  (Can I get an 'all the time!')

Dear Lord,
Please help me to keep my heart open to the possibility of friendships with the most unlikely people and through the most unlikely sources.  I trust that You know the relationships that will be best for me, the ones that will help me grown, and some that will teach me lessons.  
In Jesus' precious name I pray,
Amen